I wrote this novel entitled GOD'S KNIGHT
And I'd like some feedback on the first chapter just to see where I am and any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
CHAPTER 1
I am Graccus, member of the Council at Portas. I sit here writing down the story of my greatest friend and student, Michael Gabriel Thomas. He sent me this story recently and I feel a shiner such as him deserves to be remembered by all of our kind. So I write this story in the sacred volumes of the library in Portas so that from now until the end of the world he will be remembered.
This is the story of Michael, whom I like to call God's Knight.
I am Michael Gabriel Thomas, I was born in Britain. I lived with my parents and my twin sister Mary in the first ever all Christian village in Britain. The village was located just south of Emperor Hadrian's great wall in the northern part of Britain. The land was in short magnificent. Tall hills and vast valleys and fields, in the summer it was just an ocean of green. I remember in the spring how my mother and my sister Mary loved to pick the flowers that grew in the valley. After they had done the day's work they would venture out into the valley and pick them for hours. I always loved watching them do that, just the bliss on their faces as they picked them could make anyone smile.
I lived in that village with my family until the age of 24. I worked our fields with my father and my sister Mary would help my mother with the household choirs and such. Mary and I were twins, almost identical save for a couple of differences. Our facial features were the same, as was our builds and heights but our eyes and hair were different. I had blue eyes and dark brown hair from my father; she had green eyes and blonde hair from our mother.
Normally before the age of 24 we would have been married and had families of our own, but my sister and I couldn't find a suitable husband or wife. Our parents didn't like that we weren't married yet, but they let us wait until we found what we were looking for. Not that there was a shortage of eligible men and women in the village of course. I remember how the girls in the village would try and woo me, my sister used to tease me about it. Sure I could have married any of them, I just didn't feel like I could share my life with them.
Mary and I were inseparable all of our lives. We knew how to make each other laugh when the other was sad. We could make the other smile when the other cried. We knew each other so well as most twins do. We would spend hours playing in the fields or sitting on a tree branch and talking until our mother called us in. I think our closeness is what made it so hard for one another to marry. With each other we had someone to understand us, and care for us.
I miss my family dearly; they were all I knew at that age. I miss everything about my old life, the village, my family, and the happiness that came with both. But they were ripped from me by a monster hell bent on destroying anything having to do with Christianity, especially its followers.
It was the year of Lord 455 when life as I knew it changed forever. It was spring, and the feast we had for Easter was in full swing. I loved the Easter feast, after church we would go into the middle of the village and play games and sing. All the women would make a huge meal for the entire village. Easter was a very big deal where I came from. We celebrated Christ giving his life to repay for our sins and his resurrection. But mostly everyone liked it because it was a celebration of life. We would dance, and carry on happily until very early in the morning during those feasts.
Just before the food was ready on the day my world was taken from me, we were all playing games and talking happily. Then suddenly I heard my father tell everyone that there were five riders coming this way. I looked and I saw the five riders coming toward the village quickly. As they got closer I could see they were Roman.
All the talking and playing stopped when we noticed this. Some were afraid of the Romans. Since we were children we heard stories of how the Romans persecuted us before the Emperor Constantine became a Christian and took the throne. But that was years ago, we were free from Romans bothering us. Everyone was scared, myself included. We had no warriors in the village. We were all farmers; no one had weapons or anything else we needed to defend ourselves. Rome told us we would be protected and they would never bother us.
The riders came before us. All of them had on black armor, and red capes. Each riding a black steed that seemed gigantic to me. Even when the leader got off his horse he still stood over me at least a full foot.
The leader came before everyone in the village and took his helmet off. His black hair came into view; his cold gray eyes bore into all of us with disgust and hatred. My father went up to this man, and stood close to him while showing no sign of fear.
" What is your business here?" My father asked him strongly.
The man looked at my father as if he were an insect he could step on easily.
" I don't like this celebration you all are having." The man sneered at my father.
" Rome told the founders of this village that we would never be harassed by the Romans. Now leave us to celebrate in Peace." My father told the man defiantly.
My father turned his back on the Roman and began to walk away. The man grabbed my father's neck and broke it easily, instantly killing my father. Him and the men with him laughed as they watched my father's body fall to the ground.
My mother cried out loudly and ran towards her husband, before she could reach him the Roman that killed my father took his sword and stabbed my mother in the chest.
" No!" I yelled loudly.
I saw an axe lying near me on top of a pile of cut wood. I picked it up and ran towards the Roman, yelling furiously. The Roman saw me and before I could touch him he slashed me across the stomach and hit me in the back of the head with his fist knocking me down to the ground.
I was hurting all over, and my arms and legs wouldn't work. I could still see clearly though. I could see the other four riders getting off their horses and drawing their swords. I could see some of the men rushing at them with pitchforks, axes anything they could use. The Romans cut them down as if they were nothing. The women and the children just looked on and cried out in pain as they watched their fathers and husbands being slaughtered.
I heard someone sobbing near me; I looked over and saw my sister kneeling beside the lifeless forms of our parents. The Roman that killed them stood over her, a sadistic smile on his face.
" Why?" My sister sobbed.
" Because I hate Christians! I wish to wipe your filthy kind from the earth forever. But don't be sad girl, you'll soon join your parents." The Roman said with a smile.
I saw him raise his sword above my sister. I tried to move but I couldn't, I wanted to jump up and stop him but I couldn't. My sister saw the sword, and knew she wasn't going to live. She lowered her head and closed her eyes and begin praying to god to forgive all of her and her family's sins.
" There is no god to hear you, you stupid little girl." The Roman spat with an evil smile.
He brought his sword down, cutting into my sister's chest, killing her. The Roman jerked his head back and roared with gleeful laughter.
" Kill everyone in this village boys! And burn their church and homes to the ground." He said happily.
I could hear the screams of the women and children as the Romans killed them. I could smell the burning houses near me, and I could see our church being burned to the ground. I was filled with a fiery rage; it was rage that was keeping me alive then. I could feel myself getting stronger because of that rage. I wrapped my fingers around the axe that lay near me. I pulled my self up to my knees.
The Roman stood close to me with his back turned. I held the axe up and then swung it as hard as I could at him. The blade went into the Roman's side. He yelled out in pain and reached around and gripped my arm that still held the axe. When he turned and saw it was me he twisted my arm until it broke, I cried out in pain. He still held my arm as he used his other arm to pull the axe out.
" I'm going to take your head boy!" He yelled loudly at me before twisting my arm harder.
" I swear to God himself I will have my vengeance Roman!" I yelled at him through the pain.
" How can you kill me you pathetic Christian when you're dead?" He said angrily before thrusting his sword into my stomach.
He twisted it several times and took it out slowly and kicked me to the ground.
" Was that your family I killed? I can tell the girl was your sister, you look like her. I was happy to kill them, just as I am happy to kill you." He said with a sadistic smile that would haunt me until the day I die.
He kicked me in the chest, sending me back onto the ground. He raised his sword above my neck. My vision was getting blurry and then everything turned to blackness. I knew I was going to die soon, and be reunited with my family in Heaven.
I could still hear everything going on around me. I knew the sword would come down soon and take my head.
" Sire, riders from Portas are coming! I think James is with them. I can see them, they'll be here soon." I heard someone say.
" Damn! Let us go. Everyone here is dead and I don't wish to fight James and the other shiners just now." I heard the Roman say.
I heard footsteps and then the sound of horses galloping away. Then I could hear a horse come to a stop just above me. And someone getting off of the horse and I felt someone's hand on my chest.
" They're all gone Graccus, we've got to go now. He's going to get away from us!" I heard a man yell.
" This one is still alive James!" I heard the man closest to me say fiercely.
" There's no time Graccus, leave him. We must stop him now, he's going to cause a war." The one called James yelled loudly.
" You did the same for me James. I can't leave him here to die. You all go on ahead with out me." The man over me told them.
" We need you Graccus. You know him better than anyone else." James implored.
" This boy needs me more than you all do. Go! I'll find you later." I heard the man over me say.
Then suddenly I felt something press against my lips and a liquid fall into my mouth.
" Drink this and you will live." I heard the voice tell me softly.
I began drinking the liquid deeply. I wanted to live so I could get my revenge on the bastard who killed my family.
The last thing I remember hearing in my human life was the sound of many horses galloping away from me.
