This is really good. How long have you been writing? In fact I think this is what I wish I could write.

Ambrea wrote:

For 3 years. Writing is all about discovering your own ablility and learning to work

with, rather than molding to some stereotypical veiw of what's "proper" and what's "good".





If you want to get better, I would sugest a lot of reading. It expands your veiw quite a bit.

There is a bit of talent involved. :) I've read and forgotten so many books (I'm really 37). Plus don't knock rules. Picasso painted very good representational art before he helped shatter the world with cubism.

there's parts of it i like, however, the repetition in the opening stanza didn't strike me as being a very strong opening.



there's some strong lines, this might be a good one to tuck away and revisit later. sometimes when you put something away and come back to it, you get really good results for re-working it with a different perspective.