Ok, this is kind of fun so just try it. Whenever you’re guilty of a crime, write down or remember the number of your crime. When you’re done just multiply them all together so we no one can tell which crimes you’ve committed, otherwise the cops might be knocking on your door after they see your post LOL!
2 Petty theft. Come on, you know you’ve shop lifted at least once!
3 Aiding & Abetting / Accessory. Don’t worry, you didn’t actually do the crime!
5 Arson. A little fun with matches and then everyone gets all upset. Srsly!
7 Assault / Battery. That bum was cruisin’ for a bruising LOL!
11 Bribery. How else you going to get out of that arson charge?
13 Burglary. Maybe you thought it was your house that you broke into?
17 Child Abuse. Oh come on, can’t even spank a kid these days anymore.
19 Child Pornography. Or take pictures of them naked…
23 Computer Crime. What, that Napster stuff? Quit your bitching artists, I wasn’t going to buy it anyway.
29 Conspiracy. Damn right! Stick it to the man.
31 Credit / Debit Card Fraud. Where else was I going to get the money for the bribe?
37 Disorderly Conduct. Oh yeah, so I called a cop tootsie baby, I digress…
41 Domestic Violence. You know the bitch was asking for it.
43 Drug Cultivation and Manufacturing. How else am I going to get my stuff? I’m not paying import fees!
47 Drug Distribution / Trafficking. what else am I going to do after I manufacture the stuff, let it sit there?
53 Drug Possession. Come on again, of course I have to possess it in order to traffic it.
59 DUI / DWI. How else you going to get home eh?
61 Embezzlement. Who hasn’t embezzled a little money?
67 Extortion. Ok, extortion isn’t too nice, but I’m sure you had a good reason.
71 Forgery. Kind of goes hand in hand with that credit card fraud doesn’t it?
73 Identity Theft. Stole your mother’s credit card once? Big deal! I can’t believe this is even a crime.
79 Insurance Fraud. Stupid insurance companies charge too much anyway.
83 Kidnapping. Kids like naps. It’s doing them a favor!
89 Manslaughter: Involuntary. That one is right in the name isn’t it?
97 Manslaughter: Voluntary. Well, he probably deserved it. Why you killing people though?
101 Money Laundering. Clean money never hurt anyone.
103 Murder: First-degree. Ok, that shit ain’t cool. You better not have. I guess I won’t know though.
107 Murder: Second-degree. Being drunk is totally a good excuse!
109 Perjury. Lying about your age should not even be a crime.
113 Prostitution. W/E lol!
127 Pyramid Schemes. So it’s illegal to try to make a buck too? You trippin Uncle Sam.
131 Racketeering / RICO. I don’t even know what that is. I won’t fault you for it.
137 Rape. …well, as the only virginal rapist in the world, I can tell you, this doesn’t mean much.
139 Robbery. What else are you going to do once you’re in the guys house but rob him?
149 Securities Fraud. Whatever the heck that is.
151 Sexual Assault. Yeah, you probably just slapped some girls butt right? Totally cool.
157 Stalking. If you had just let the love of your life go without a fight, that would have been the real crime!
163 Tax Evasion / Fraud. Uncle Sam needs to keep his hands out of my cookie jar anyway.
167 Telemarketing Fraud. Eh, fraud schmaud.
167 Theft / Larceny. Well, after some of this stuff, I’m sure they aren’t going to care about a little more stealing.
173 Wire Fraud. We’ve been over this, I believe schmaud was the verdict.
Ok, now just multiply all the ones you did all together so no one can tell what you did and post it. Don’t worry, everyone is going to have a big number. Even if you only did one or two of the later ones especially it’ll be in the thousands. Anyone who says their crime product is zero is totally lying LOL!
