Rechercher
Forums MySpace » Culture, Arts & Literature » Literature » for your pleasure, warning adult content
Créer un nouveau sujet

Tri :  
1 - 15 / 97  1 2 3 4 5 >> / 7  <  Précédent | Suivant >
  
  • 9 janvier 2007 10:29
    Répondre
    elemental sex





    She lay dry,

    Barren and parched,

    For it had been many revolutions since her lover had given of himself to her.



    Yet deep within,

    The blood of her quickened

    For she felt the pulling,

    the longing,

    For he was coming.



    A general darkening all about announced his imminent arrival.

    A transformation from blistering and bright.

    To sweltering and dim.

    she saw far down around the curves of her body,

    the traces proclaiming his coming and his intent.



    The very air spoke of him,

    Quiver with his pent passion,

    the fury of his desire not to be denied or contained.



    She exposes herself in anticipation,

    Relishing the deluge she is about to experience.

    Accepting the violation and destruction,

    As price paid for the gift.



    Anticipating the moistening of the valleys of her body,

    With his life giving deeds.

    Unashamed of the lust in her,

    Of the need.



    AND then he was upon her around her,

    Surrounding her,

    His gust front disarraying the thick stalks of her hair.

    His voice thunder,

    Reverberateing all around her,

    Indistinguishable from her own moans.



    He caresses, claws and gouges her

    With one hundred thousand watt fingers

    Laying open her skin.

    She screams in excitement and the joy of surrender,

    As he lights fires across the body of her.

    To be extinguished when he falls upon her

    With his life giving moisture.



    The thing she needs to quicken her seed.

    To give life to their progeny,

    The heirs of this deed.



    And then when their passion will not for another moment be denied .

    From deep within himself he turns loose and drowns her,

    all of her with the essence of himself,

    That thing that makes him,

    That the giving of will diminish him.

    Create a small death,

    Drain and exhaust him.



    But he can no more contain what is within him

    Than she could refuse his gift.



    So the heavens of his body release his pent passion.

    She shudders in his coming

    As his liquid seeps into every part of her.

    Into places never seen

    and merges with the womb of our mother.

    To Begin again that dance of life.

    Existing since before the arrival of man.

    the mating, merging, converging,

    Of Mother Earth

    And Father Sky.

    you have just witnessed a thunderstorm,

    as seen by the earth the sky and me.
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:04
    Répondre
    its a poem damnit not a porn bot read and tell me what you think
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:12
    Répondre
    rewrite it
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:13
    Répondre
    fish (astronaut) wrote:

    rewrite it




    Fish Queen.
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:16
    Répondre
    fish (astronaut) wrote:

    rewrite it




    be a little more instructive, , , idiot, , , , sorry what is the problem with it friend
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:17
    Répondre
    knew better than to give this forum a chance learned long ago no artist reside here
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:21
    Répondre
    perhaps artistry would help you

    if you weren't such a snapper turtle

    crikey
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:21
    Répondre
    • The Lark
    • Garçon/21
    • Melbourne, Victoria, AU
    noble savage wrote:

    knew better than to give this forum a chance learned long ago no artist reside here




    the penny drops...
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:25
    Répondre
    Bernie wrote:



    noble savage wrote:

    knew better than to give this forum a chance learned long ago no artist reside here






    Are you an artist, Noble Savage?




    i aspire to be
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:26
    Répondre
    fish (astronaut) wrote:

    perhaps artistry would help you

    if you weren't such a snapper turtle

    crikey




    be constructive, , im all ears
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:29
    Répondre
    really anyone who has something consrtuctive to say speak...those pretenders counting periods go screw yourself
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:29
    Répondre
    noble savage wrote:

    its a poem damnit not a porn bot read and tell me what you think




    Orgasmic.
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:30
    Répondre
    It is a very very long poem. I suspect many people are tired, and are in no mood to critique anything seriously.



    But to say it in an off-hand manner, it read very "typically" (the first half that I read) sort of like reading a sex scene, from a Mills and Boons romance paper-back.
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:35
    Répondre
    zara wrote:

    It is a very very long poem. I suspect many people are tired, and are in no mood to critique anything seriously.



    But to say it in an off-hand manner, it read very "typically" (the first half that I read) sort of like reading a sex scene, from a Mills and Boons romance paper-back.




    finish it and you will be suprised, , ,
  • 9 janvier 2007 20:38
    Répondre
    Bernie wrote:



    noble savage wrote:



    i aspire to be








    Cool. Then know that the critics and editors will rip your work apart. If you think the people here are not constructive, wait till the stuff reaches the real world. Here people at least enjoy the good fun.



    My opinion about your work.



    The stanzas are disorganized, find an order to the lines you are writing. Read the poem out loud and read every line as the music of the poem.



    The music of your poem is off.



    Then check the images you are using. There is a term in literature called 'common places' which refers to images and uses that have been used time and time again. It's a fancy concept for cliche. For example: comparing the body of a woman to a valley is an over-used image. You have many of those in your poem.



    Also, the feeling seems 'borrowed' another term that simply defines a feeling that doesn't seem real or honest to the reader. you may say this poem reflects your feelings, but if you use 'common places' it will never seem original. It will always feel like you're borrowing someone else's feelings.



    I suggest you take a good look at a topic/feeling that really reflects you and then question yourself on your personal feelings of the matter. If it seems simplistic, then you're on the right path. As of now you are very grandiose. Nowm you can say' well Shakespeare...' stop right there, Shakespeare dealt with every aspect of the human soul and as such, was entitled to that. Very few poets today can pull it off, if any.




    thank you, , finaly somebody says something that can be used, , , i will consider every word you spoke
Tri :  
1 - 15 / 97  1 2 3 4 5 >> / 7  <  Précédent | Suivant >
  
Disponible