I've been living on my own since I was 17, and have always taken care of myself. Recently, I got a knee injury that put me out of work, so I moved to my aunt and uncles house. I pay rent, and help around the house and such.



My problem is since I've been independent for so long, it's hard for me to become someone elses tool to do things. I'm more than happy to do dishes, clean around the house on my decision, but when I'm asked to do something, I have to fight down extreme recalcitrance.



I know this is selfishness, somewhat, or probably better described as independence, but, does anybody want to take a crack at helping me reason this down philisophically? Am I supposed to think more about what they do for me, or what they would do for me? Is it bad or wrong to be independent or recalcitrant?

I think the single problem you have in this issue is the word "supposed". There is what others would like you to do. There is what you think is the best thing to do. But if you are looking for what you are supposed to do then you are on a quest that is going to take you far afield from your actual immediate problem and leave you with no real answer in the end.



Course.... that could just be the philosopher in me talking.

AmWrote:



[t]thomasWrote:

I've been living on my own since I was 17, and have always taken care of myself. Recently, I got a knee injury that put me out of work, so I moved to my aunt and uncles house. I pay rent, and help around the house and such.







My problem is since I've been independent for so long, it's hard for me to become someone elses tool to do things. I'm more than happy to do dishes, clean around the house on my decision, but when I'm asked to do something, I have to fight down extreme recalcitrance.







I know this is selfishness, somewhat, or probably better described as independence, but, does anybody want to take a crack at helping me reason this down philisophically? Am I supposed to think more about what they do for me, or what they would do for me? Is it bad or wrong to be independent or recalcitrant?[/t]





One, if you live in someone else's house, you have to play by their rules. Now, you can come to an agreement on when and whom to do the chores, but that's between you.



As far as independence, I am not sure that lack of respect and communication counts as independence. I too, was on my own at 17, but I would still respect someone else's place.

It's not really me disrespecting them. I pay rent, and I do more than my fair share of chores, without them asking me to. The problem is their frugal use of my time, when my time is valuable to me.

Let me try to get this more philisophical.........hmmm.....How can you talk down independence and recalcitrance in any situation where you are persuaded by external factors to submit?



I lived my entire life, putting everything into question, for my personal growth. Now when someone tells me to do something, at work or anywhere, I immediately question it. Why are they asking me? Is it something they could do? Do I owe them anything? Are they taking advantage of me? Am I taking advantage of them?



How can I shake this snap judgement urge to not do what I'm asked or told to do as a reflex? Negate the whole family situation, and just speak bare bones philosophy.

Bare bones philosophy.... Since ancient times and in almost every collective endeavor of our civilization someone gives orders and others obey. People tell you to do something because it needs to get done and you are the one to do it!! - because - you agreed to it (professional work) or societal roles imply so (children listening to parents/teachers).



This does not demean you in any way and everybody needs to do things when asked to. Independence is a whole different matter, in a way the people asking you to do things are dependent on you to do them. Even in consensus driven decisions the party that executes often doesn't participate.



It doesn't mean the people asking you are smarter than you but they are in the position to decide what needs to get done. (example they tell you to take the car for service - they know the service schedule of their car you don't) In matters of menial chores why would you question if it is right.



I believe we should of course question but if our roles imply so we should execute what we are obligated to do exept if illegal or unethical.

Your issue appears to be:



1. Your being told what to do

2. You have a fight urge to not do what your asked immediately



So my initial thought was to suggest that you:

A: Dont think so much you most certainly can control this

B: Set a rule that when they ask you to do something, you think of something completely off track (plane crashes, Wal-Mart ruining our society, masturbation, etc.)

C: Anti-depressants would work too!

D: Any other drugs, like marijuana / heroin but you would have to get good with dosage and most importantly timing.



But then you mentioned, The problem is their frugal use of my time.



Ah, now that brings a number 3.



3. You have a value judgment on whats being asked of you



For that I would suggest you sit down with the overbearing owners who have given you refuge and set a house task list. Then ask them not to deviate from that list, and only discuss the list when there is a demanding issue that must be addressed. This should reduce the number of times that they speak to you.

thomas, stuff like that bugs me sometimes too. I don't think we are ever truly independent. It's a huge hierarchy: child is dependent on parent, parent on employer, employer on CEO, CEO on market force (one particular instance). Even if you are not dependent on some immediate group of people in a family-like setting, you are still forced to react to/be dependent on larger institutional structures that determine the value of your money, the availability of food, water, electricity, etc. Unless you can learn to live without food, healthcare, shelter, and water, you'll never be 100% independent. Of course, if you don't care about survival, then you really can be totally independent, but your life might be significantly shorter if that is the path you choose. my two cents, any of this seem to ring true?

thomasWrote:

I've been living on my own since I was 17, and have always taken care of myself. Recently, I got a knee injury that put me out of work, so I moved to my aunt and uncles house. I pay rent, and help around the house and such.





My problem is since I've been independent for so long, it's hard for me to become someone elses tool to do things. I'm more than happy to do dishes, clean around the house on my decision, but when I'm asked to do something, I have to fight down extreme recalcitrance.





I know this is selfishness, somewhat, or probably better described as independence, but, does anybody want to take a crack at helping me reason this down philisophically? Am I supposed to think more about what they do for me, or what they would do for me? Is it bad or wrong to be independent or recalcitrant?

For me it really got to me when they would ask me to do something and when I was done would imediatly ask me to do something else. It started to drive me out of my gord. So I had them make a list of chores for the week, and I would not do anything other than what was on the list for them. It did not matter how big the list was as long as I could see an end to thier requests for that week. It worked out really well. Sometimes I would do it all at the beginning of the week, or drag it out and do it slowly. Anyway my pace, my time, my control...

Thanks guys, that's all good advice.



Hey Mark, I like the "think of something else" idea. Hey, you never know, next time they ask me to do the dishes, maybe I'll go take a shower......hahaha.

thomasWrote:

Thanks guys, that's all good advice.





Hey Mark, I like the "think of something else" idea. Hey, you never know, next time they ask me to do the dishes, maybe I'll go take a shower......hahaha.

.....because I'm thinking about masterbation.....

thomasWrote:








Thanks guys, that's all good advice.





Hey Mark, I like the "think of something else" idea. Hey, you never know, next time they ask me to do the dishes, maybe I'll go take a shower......hahaha.

take the dishes in the shower w/ you then you can do what they want and what you want at the same time. get creative. please them and yourself.

hahaha......

thomasWrote:

I've been living on my own since I was 17, and have always taken care of myself. Recently, I got a knee injury that put me out of work, so I moved to my aunt and uncles house. I pay rent, and help around the house and such.





My problem is since I've been independent for so long, it's hard for me to become someone elses tool to do things. I'm more than happy to do dishes, clean around the house on my decision, but when I'm asked to do something, I have to fight down extreme recalcitrance.





I know this is selfishness, somewhat, or probably better described as independence, but, does anybody want to take a crack at helping me reason this down philisophically? Am I supposed to think more about what they do for me, or what they would do for me? Is it bad or wrong to be independent or recalcitrant?

I have lived on my own, off and on, since I was 12. Some pleasant some completely unbearable. Confront facts. If you do not like the situation: leave. If you tolerate the situation: stay. If you like the situation: make an effort to prolong it. You seem like a spoilt brat who has too much material wealth and too much time on his hands. Join a cult and stop messing about with frivolous self ownership posturing. Either accept the nature of the arrangement and stop asking for social approvalfrom people ignorant of the details or leave and constuct a new social arrangement.



Did you ever ask your relatives if they wanted such an ungrateful monster expanding into their personal space and time? No. Well forget myspace and go and do that instead. Its called social conscience.